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Posts Tagged ‘Thanksgiving’

I’m not an idiot when it comes to guys. I’ve had enough experience with men that have severe issues to know when something is up. I don’t hide under rocks and hope for the best. I don’t kid myself in exchange for continued pleasure.

This is why I was so blunt in my last post. I know F is a douchebag revealing himself overtime. He was completely different before he asked me to be his girlfriend. The chase was over for this could be player and he was in a relationship he wasn’t ready for.

So about the Thanksgiving plans… the ones that I knew instinctually would be thrown out the window though he invited me over his parents house on date #6. This is the text conversation:

F: Hey u, how’s ur day going so far? Small problem, I caught my mom today before heading to work and asked her what the deal is for thanksgiving. Turns out my fathers partner invited them to spend it with them being that their kids are away in college and aren’t coming home for the holidays. So it’s not at my house this year, which is weird. I really don’t think I want to attend that though.

Me nonchalantly texting back, acting oblivious to the fact that he just uprooted a single person’s plans for Thanksgiving without any indication of that being made up for though he invited me. You get more information out of the person when you communicate this way: Hey 🙂 it’s going good. Just meeting w ppl so far. I had no idea this storm was coming! How’s your day been? Hmm I see about Thanksgiving. What do you think you will do then?

F (6 hours later): Ugh what a rough day, I’m just leaving now :/ can’t wait to get home. I have no idea, still kind of taken back by the whole thing; I think they should’ve gave me more notice especially since they know I’m seeing someone. 

You mean, your parents didn’t take care of you and your date for Thanksgiving and inform you, because you are living in their home like an adult child, that they are doing Thanksgiving not revolving around you? That’s if this story is even true. And considering the last time you saw me, for the very first time you didn’t secure plans to see me again, I’d say you knew about this for a while… again if this is even true.

That very well may be the last word spoken from my brain to F’s. You don’t change plans on someone two days before Thanksgiving #1, #2 you definitely apologize!, #3 if you aren’t going to this dinner and I’m obviously not going, why not make plans with me since you extinguished the plans we had… if you are so interested in dating me?

He’s a douchebag. They come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. Not apparent to the naked eye always, but first impressions do say a lot. Mine of F, btw, was exactly this “Aw, he’s a young man who just got over the club scene and is trying to look for something real & serious.” Turns out, F still does go to clubs sometimes.

It’s a good thing I don’t feel I need a man or feel that I need to be single. It’s a good thing that I know that all I want and need to be satisfied in this life is to be happy with me and the life I create for myself.

This is what I’m grateful and thankful for this Thanksgiving. I realize that so many people do not believe or understand this way of living… but it is the truth in my life that I could not have been happier to find.

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I think I might be using him. Or did tonight. Who would have ever thought?

I had the opportunity to talk to him about being unexclusive possibly. I found myself not really wanting to have a serious conversation tonight and possibly ruin the mood. You see, on Friday night I ended up having a conversation with him on the phone. It was a serious one which resulted in me saying… “Why are we even dating still?” To which he said “Are you saying you don’t want to?” And I said bla bla blah.

There’s a big backstory. He is in the middle of a short sale, the short sale is taking a long time (like a yr), and though it should be finished in January for sure, he has had to live with friends after his lease ended in August and now his parents temporarily until January. He will also be gone for four weeks in Portugal, too, before the short sale comes to a close in January. I’m boring myself talking about this. Suffice it to say, the reason my last relationship ended (the main reason) is now what F is doing… living with his parents. I told him this is making me uncomfy and told him I am only telling him this because I want him to know what’s going on with me and not keep secrets. He understood, but at the same time doesn’t like how my past affects this now. I told him… “Of course it affects me, but the main thing is that this relationship feels a bit lopsided. I can’t go over your house and see how you live and take care of yourself. I have shared all this with you. I don’t feel like I can get to know you as well as I should be right now.”

So that’s where we are… but Friday night’s phone call was tense & it ended with F saying he wanted to keep going and see where things go for a bit.

Whatever.

So tonight we did our usual dinner and then come back to my place. It was a light hearted night. It occurred to me after he left that this was the first time he didn’t secure plans with me for the next time we get together. Therefore the obvious is that we might not be getting together again. And that is obvious because this week is Thanksgiving… and though he invited me over his house to Thanksgiving and to meet his parents, that was on date number 6 when F was much more happy and less stressed out.

I have no idea what he will do this week. He could have just used me tonight just to be with me one last time. I could ask, but you know what? I’m so damn curious as to how he is going to handle this. I want to see if he actually is going to have me over to meet his parents. In the meantime, I already today asked my best friend if I could join them for Thanksgiving so I have backup plans.

Did I get used tonight? Time will tell. But I did use F; I totally avoided adult conversation so that the mood wasn’t ruined and the night ended with a good time. Who would have thought.

And you know what? I’m going to force myself to be honest right now. Partially so I can process this and also so I can relate to you all out there.

I hope that F didn’t use me. It would hurt my pride and I’ve never had this kind of experience. But then I say, “I used F tonight.” I did, but I didn’t do it in a planned out way. I just don’t like thinking someone had the upper hand on me. I’m sure that isn’t uncommon, but I don’t like that about me. I wish I could just c’est la vie – it and not let it bother me. It’s about vulnerability, I guess. I know the best partnerships out there exude vulnerability and trust. Hopefully, I’ll get better at vulnerability as I go along.

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