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Posts Tagged ‘assholes’

This pain is scary and I want it to go away. It sneaks up like a snake and it slithers around slowly in my brain for a period of time before I make a sudden exit or the snake gets distracted and leaves.

Why does it have to be there when he was such a fucking jerk? I know he didn’t do his most grievous fault of indecision about us out of maliciousness. But why should I have to suffer anymore? Come on. If there are areas in life where it should be easy heartache should be one, right?

I’m so scared subconsciously that I’m going to waste an inordinate amount of time grieving over the loss of this relationship. (could it even be called that?) My friend told me the exact opposite- that because of the situation that he believes that it won’t take an inordinate amount of time before my emotions give way to logic and I’ll be through this. When my friend saw me the other day, he said “in a few more weeks.” God, I hope that’s true. There’s no way that can happen? (no)

I WILL NOT ACCEPT ASSHOLES ANYMORE. I WILL TRUST MYSELF AND EVERY RED FLAG I SEE.

It is not worth it to go through this for men that are not worth it.

I hope one day I can look back at this time with wisdom and a smile of strength and peace because it all worked out okay. I hope.

I want to be with a life partner and I think I want to have kids. I will be 32 years old next month. God help me. Just help me be happy. Give me what I need and what is right above what I think I want.

I’m scared and I hate these moments of pain. Help me sit with it and survive through it. Help me not to settle for ways of rushing through healing.

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