Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for February, 2016

This, please, just let this be one big, bad, long, dream. I keep saying that in the fights. It comes out of my mouth as a plea, that maybe if I say it, it will create itself. But no such luck, I don’t think.

Let’s spell it out. I am in an emotionally abusive relationship. No, it wasn’t always this way. It became a pattern of his behavior. I just got diagnosed with skin cancer and, no, that didn’t stop it. Take a hint, you say. I just had surgery to get the skin cancer removed and now have a big incision that is making walking difficult… no, that didn’t stop it either. Take a hint, you say. It’s harder than you think, I say back. Every one of us has played games in our lives and I thought and hoped that this was all it was. After experiencing his this multiple times through the cancer diagnosis and surgery, it hits home for real with no more guesses. I’m engaged to an emotionally abusive partner. He has become depressed with still no justification for abuse.

I read about how to live with this. Why? Because it looks like financially not a smart thing to do to leave now. Also, because I guess parts of me hopes that he will get better. So these articles say to not become the victim identity. They say to have compassion for your own self and keep your identity. I can do that. I am a strong person- but I know abuse is different. I have learned how to love myself over again and I will do it again and again. I will survive and thrive. This will not stop me. And, btw, no of course I don’t plan to marry someone who is abusing me.

Read Full Post »