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Archive for July, 2011

I am very highly caffeinated. Today I can testify that caffeine is for sure a mood enhancer!

I woke up with only about 5.5 hours of sleep. It was crappy and I can’t stand when that happens. So I expected today to be very hard to get through.

I came into to work and got going on a final paper for class-I was making good progress and was excited to get it done. Then I was invited to go out in the field with M.

I love going out in the field-period. Then I was excited to go with M in particular, who I’ve never gone with before.

It was the best time! We even had a conversation about the word cawfee, chawcolate, and y’all. To have that conversation with a New Jersey native was hilarious and a full circle moment for me! I mean, in high school in Leesburg, GA my friends and I used to try to emulate this accent and here I was years later tawking with a real jersey girl. We were laughing so much! She tried to say “coffee” and “talk” normal and it was so funny!

So today I thought… just when you think things most definitely will be crappy… you never know. Each day is worth waking up for.

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Every Friday I am exhausted by the time I go home. I remember being tired by the end of the week when I was a kid, but this is different. Like I’m literally longing for my bed at 5pm.

It would help if I got more than 7 hours of sleep the night before, but there’s always something that comes up that makes me go to bed later than I should.

Oh and something has come up-not that keeps me awake though. Although I stepped out of the dating scene at the end of May, I left one of my profile sites up because it was paid for and I wasn’t sure if I could reopen it. (I guess I could have checked into that cuz turns out you can so maybe there is more to it than that. It is a site based on my religion which means a lot to me… I guess I wanted to leave it open “just in case….”)

There was this one dude who kept viewing me since like April. He nudged me and winked at me which I did back. Honestly, he seemed like a dweeb. And, yes, he still could be. I won’t rule out any previous thoughts because they turn out to be important sometimes. But guess what? I looked up his name using his email address that he put on his profile. He coached in the NBA for 5 years and he coaches everyone from kids to high-profile athletes now. He’s actually very handsome-I watched a video of him so I know kinda for sure.

So I updated my profile and put my email address on it as well. It seems like he can’t email from that dating site maybe based on his membership level. I still don’t know if that’s true, but based on the fact that he did make contact with me 2x with the cutesy faces but only put his email address up on his profile, I thought I would update my profile with my email address to give him another shot. I still wasn’t going to contact him.

So maybe a day or two later, I told my friend all about this shocking thing and, no lie, that night when I got home, he emailed me. Literally, my heart raced and I didn’t sleep well that night! Okay, so maybe this has kept me from getting sleep at least once.

We’ve emailed back and forth three times now about surface level things and just learning about each other. But now my anxiety is rising. If I could put it into words this is what is going through my head:

“Am I going to know what to say in the next email? How long can this last? Does he want to stop emailing me–he is a guy–guys don’t like this stuff for too long,right? Is it going to hurt if he stops emailing me? Should I say something first to stop the emails before he doesn’t like them?”

Then in a deeper part of my brain possibly causing all the above:

“I know I don’t want a relationship. I don’t want to formally date. I do want to get to know people including guys I’m interested in and that are interested in me. This is balanced, I believe. But it’s scary. What do I say? Can I really go with that flow or will I back out? (I would end up backing out rather than jumping in, trust me.) How do I do this?

And I had this up on my site under the “What I’m looking for section” when he contacted me so he had fair warning: “Right now I’m taking it easy on the dating front as my divorce is coming to a close, but I’m still interested in getting to know other people. For a future relationship, I’m looking for someone with similar values to mine who has a strong sense of individuality. ”

So please those of you who are reading this leave a comment. You don’t have to have been through this to tell me what to do. Give me your opinion and I’m thankful.

Oh goodness. I didn’t expect a guy with real potential to come along.

What should I do?

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